Once I knew a nipper, a greedy little kipper,
Once a fella said to me,
I know where there is a tree,
Laden up with fruit, warranted to suit,
Anybody great or small.

So I went and did a bunk, I went to get a trunk,
I didn't mean to get a few,
I meant to get a ton or two,
Of apples off the tree, wasn't greedy 'cos you see,
I'm very very fond of fruit.

So off I went to have a look at 'em,
I just cocked my leg upon the wall,
When my blood turned pale and a seven inch nail,
Went right up you know, where the monkey has a tail,
And I never had a look at 'em at all