Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother fucker
He was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty wives
He didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseball
He put two and two together and he noticed it was four
Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymore
And he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Fellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black Sox
And he always wore his black socks, but he never wore no shoes
He weren't the nicest fellow and he had a couple problems
Cause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always acted rude
He killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitude
And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain Landis
The mafia said Shoeless Joe
You should really run this show
You should be the guy who owns baseball
And all you really gotta do
Is help us make a buck or two
We'll bet on the other team
You'll lose the game but make it seem
Like nothing could be further from the truth
Shoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly balls
And he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the eye
And in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly beaten
There was someone who was watching from his blimp above the stands
Cradling a rifle in his thick and meaty hands
And as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Kenesaw said drop that glove
Or I swear by God above
I'll make you regret playing baseball
And Shoeless Joe looked up and saw
The silver rifle's gaping maw
And though no one had noticed yet
His underwear was getting wet
He peed himself in front of everyone
Shoeless Joe was finished but he couldn't quite admit it
So he raised his middle finger up above the other four
And Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bullet
And he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his trusty gun
And everybody in the stands knew that he had won
And today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Shoeless Joe left baseball and because a famous pop star
And he asked the musical question is she really going out with him
He had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80's
But he never won a Grammy and he never was the same
And he never could be satisfied with critical acclaim
Cause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello
Yes the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello
Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Kenesaw Mountain Landis era um cara muito foda
Ele tinha cinco metros de altura, tinha cento e cinquenta esposas
Ele não fazia muito, exceto salvar o jogo de beisebol
Ele juntou dois mais dois e percebeu que era quatro
Agora a traição do Shoeless Joe não pode mais nos machucar
E ele sempre será lembrado como Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Um cara chamado Joe Jackson era um jogador dos Black Sox
E ele sempre usava suas meias pretas, mas nunca calçava sapatos
Ele não era o cara mais legal e tinha alguns problemas
Porque ele bebia muito, batia na esposa e sempre agia rude
Ele matou e comeu alguns bebês e tinha uma atitude de merda
E o homem que ele mais odiava era Kenesaw Mountain Landis
A máfia disse: Shoeless Joe
Você deveria realmente comandar esse show
Você deveria ser o cara que manda no beisebol
E tudo que você realmente precisa fazer
É nos ajudar a ganhar um trocado ou dois
Nós vamos apostar no outro time
Você vai perder o jogo, mas vai parecer
Que nada poderia estar mais longe da verdade
Shoeless Joe fez o que disseram, deixou cair algumas bolas altas
E ele foi até o arremessador e deu um dedo no olho dele
E na sétima entrada, com os Black Sox quase derrotados
Havia alguém assistindo do seu dirigível acima das arquibancadas
Segurando um rifle em suas mãos grossas e carnudas
E como se você ainda não tivesse adivinhado, era Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Kenesaw disse: largue essa luva
Ou eu juro por Deus lá em cima
Vou fazer você se arrepender de jogar beisebol
E Shoeless Joe olhou pra cima e viu
A boca do rifle prateado aberta
E embora ninguém tivesse notado ainda
A cueca dele estava ficando molhada
Ele se mijou na frente de todo mundo
Shoeless Joe estava acabado, mas não conseguia admitir
Então ele levantou o dedo do meio acima dos outros quatro
E Kenesaw mirou com cuidado e disparou uma única bala
E ele cortou aquele dedo sujo e deixou sua arma de confiança cair
E todo mundo nas arquibancadas sabia que ele tinha vencido
E hoje ainda se referem a ele como Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Shoeless Joe deixou o beisebol e virou uma estrela pop famosa
E ele fez a pergunta musical: ela realmente está saindo com ele?
Ele lançou alguns álbuns e fez um retorno nos anos 80
Mas nunca ganhou um Grammy e nunca foi o mesmo
E nunca conseguiu se satisfazer com o reconhecimento da crítica
Porque os críticos sempre o confundiam com o grande Elvis Costello
Sim, os críticos sempre o confundiam com o grande Elvis Costello