Cheerleader

If I could live my life in rewind
There's a couple of changes I'd make this time
Cause if I knew what was good for me
I'd have been practicing splits from the age of three
Oh, I got a masters, I got a car, I volunteer
and I can play the guitar
But I'd trade it all in the bat of an eye
For a polyester skirt ridin' up my thigh

Oh, life must be great like a permanent date
When you're a cheerleader
Oh, The fun doesn't end and your hair is your friend
When you're a cheerleader
Cheerleaders drive Camaros
Cheerleaders don't date geeks
And everybody thinks it's really cute the way she has to
S-P-L-L everything she speaks.
All the guys want to date her all the girls want to be her
Next time round, I want to be a cheerleader

Cheerleading's a sport now that's what they're callin' for
Though it's the only sport I know that you put your makeup on for
Some women say that it harms and demeans
Can you guess who didn't make their high school teams?
Hey! Cheerleading teaches you valuable poise
You then can apply to the career of your choice like
Serving up burgers and fries with a smile
Or spraying perfume in the cosmetics aisle

Oh, a cheerleader might not have her GED
But she's pursuing one
Oh, a cheerleader might never be a CEO
But she'll be dating one
You get to ditch all your old loser friends
The moment that you make the squad
With the high school crest stretched across your chest
You're one step down from GOD
Oh, all the guys want to date her all the girls want to be her
Next time round, I want to be a cheerleader

Last night I had a dream I was back in high school and they just hung up the final cuts of the varsity cheerleading squad. It was utter mayhem. Girls were wailing and nashing their teeth realizing that their social lives were completely over. Well, I managed to make my way through the moldering carnage until I found myself face to face with . . .

THE LIST
Gennifer
Jessyca
Tiffani
Stefanii
Brittani
Brytany
Britannee
Deirdre

Deirdre?!? Why That's ME! I made the team!! Oh my gosh! I never want to wake up from this wonderful dream!

Oh, life must be cool I mean you totally rule as a cheerleader
All the dweebs stop in all when you strut down the hall
As a cheerleader
Cheerleaders don't' wear glasses, cheerleaders don't get zits.
And all the girls would die to have their little tiny thighs
And their really, really, really big
Makeup kits
All the guys want to date her. . .(well, a couple want to be her)
Next time round I want to be a cheerleader.

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