Disillusioned

What do I do now
Where do I go
How do I live here
It's never been home
I'm tired of running
I'm always alone
But maybe I love it
But what do I know

All this time
I was just hiding
My ego was
Never enough
I've lost the fight
That was never worth fighting
And now I'm done

How do I say it
I've lost my way
I'm tired of waiting
I'm counting the days
I remember you saying
It's all in my head
The smiles I'm faking
I'm better off dead

And now I found
I had to stop searching
I clung too tight
I could never let go
And in my haze
I could not focus
And now I know