Dilated

insomnia
too exhausted to be awake
too full of life to sleep
full of questions
about the horror which tomorrow brings
about the love I wont let myself feel
turning and rolling, tremble and cough
I can't stay still
but moving keeps me awake
craving the sedation
that only sleep can bring
searching for a fix I can't find
my eyes shut tight
thinking the darkness can caress me into sleep
it is never dark enough
I hold my breathe
hoping for the release that only being unconscious can bring
but I never have the strength
hours of anguish, lead to a second of bliss
which will leave me in a world that has only pain for me
tear my eyes out
every time they open I awake in a more painful reality