I Want To Be Alone

I lie awake beside myself
Questioning the thing I built
Was it love or just a shape
Of something I convinced myself?
My body feels misplaced tonight
Like straw torn from its quiet field
Pushed away from where it grew
Forced to become something unreal

They try to pull me out of here
Say my silence isn't fair
But every word I try to speak
Turns into a weight I cannot bear

I just want to be alone
Feel the wind against my face
Not a voice to tell me how
I should carry all this weight
If I say it, they get mad
If I hide it, I decay
So I choose the quiet side
Where no one asks me to stay

I've been watching love collapse
Like a fire left in the rain
Promises that swore forever
Turn to rituals of pain
Happy endings feel like myths
Something distant, never mine
I got used to seeing endings
Wear a halo in disguise

When will I be allowed to say
That I don't feel safe inside?
I'm not living, I'm distracted
Watching pieces of me hide

I just want to be alone
Feel the wind against my face
No expectations in my chest
No performance left to fake
If your love is dressed in lies
And your lies feel more like home
Then I'd rather choose the void
And finally be alone