Everyone in this room has been associated with Whitey either through basketball or the mall or various odd jobs
He does around town for free or at most a dollar
And I'm guessing 99% of you have either laughed in Whitey's face or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or sister or shortness
When he wasn't looking
But the next time you'd see him he'd still go out of his way to smile and wave at you and ask about your mother's operation
Or something like that because he unlike us actually cares about someone other than himself
The reason I bring this up to you
Is because I was the worst offender of all

My life was simply going nowhere
Then a tiny little man rushed to my side
He should've gotten a big thank you
Instead he got a porta-potti ride

I was such a shithead
But he'd never quit on me
Till I told him he was useless
And his sister was freaky

Once when we were watching Sunday football
A fuzzy screen was all that we could see
Whitey came over with a hanger
And spent the game on top of our TV

And when the lightning struck him
He let out a wicked loud yell
But we just turned up the volume
And ignored the burning smell
We should all rot in Hell

I went to High School with Whitey
As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom
When he got there I said I can't beleive you though I was serious
So he ran home crying and slow danced with his mom

What a crushing blow to Whitey
I bet you wish you could take it back
How could you all be so mean to Whitey
Sounds to me like you are all on crack

Tonight Whitey was counting on this town
To show that we care
But the first time he really needed us
We weren't there

And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Hanukkah

It's just not fair

Bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum
I wonder if that guy everwiped his ass with the wrong hand, yes

Bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum
Bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum, bum, bum biddy, biddy, biddy bum