I Hope You'll Like It Here

Parlour Games
(Limmeridge House. The morning room-light and summery.
Marian Halcombe is there. She is in her 30's-dark,vivacious,
and attractive although not conventionally pretty.
Hartright enters,tired after the night's exertions. Marian shakes his hand)

HARTRIGHT:You must be Miss Halcombe-I'm so sorry-
MARIAN:(interrupting him)
Thank god you have arrived
you're fated to become
my drawing teacher
you poor poor creature
Our village is as dull
as it may first appear
a city mouse in Limm'ridge House
I hope you'll like it here

You're less than half the age
that we thought you might be
you'll feed our hunger
for someone younger
so please unpack your bags
and please be of good cheer
I'm sure you'll like where you reside
but with respect I must confide,
I can't abide the Countryside
I hope you'll like it here

You shall be the drawing master
to my sister and to me
though she learns a little faster
a disaster I will be
We're the product of one mother
but we come from diff'rent fathers
I think mine,for design,
was completely talent free

Very soon you'll meet my sister
well,she's tech'nic'ly my half
but she's my whole world-my sister
is the wheat and I'm the chaff
She's kind and generous and fun
much younger, and the pretty one!

My father was quite poor
her father's wealth was vast
so she'll inherit and gladly share it
We're close as two can get
Between us not one tear
perpetually in harmony
I hope you'll like it here

Pretty soon you'll meet my uncle
whose prognosis is quite grim
he will tell you that his chances
of recovery are slim
With his bed pan and his hanky
he is terminally cranky
though no doctor around
found a thing that's wrong with him

But how I do go on
I try to keep it short
then lose the battle and simply prattle
but getting to the point
my welcome is sincere
We're thrilled that's indisputable
I hope your rooms are suitable
your sentence is commutable
I hope you'll like it here

A Servant Arrives and Escorts Hartright to Mr Fairlie's Dark Study

(Mr Fairlie sits beside a portrait of hsi brother-Philip Fairlie.
Mr Fairlie is in his fifties but looks older,he is frail,morose,pale,crabby,wheelchair-bound)

SERVANT:Mr Walter Hartright
HARTRIGHT:Mr Fairlie!
(Mr Fairlie looks Hartright up and down)
MR FAIRLIE:You're than I thought
the young are mostly fools
The good time ceases when with my nieces
just go about your task
and try to disappear
(to the servant)
Don't lurk about you oafish lout
(to Hartright)I trust you'll like it here
(He gestures to the portrait)
That's a portrait of my brother...
Was the picture of good health...
now he's dead and I am dying...
while I'm living...on his wealth
Up until he left for Hades
he was catnip to the ladies....
but at least the deceased had a modicum of stealth
Well enough about my fam'ly
(to servant)Would you please adjust my chair?
(to Hartright)I should send you back to ripen
like a proper camembert
Thought I should find some other chap
I'd much prefer to take a nap
(to servant who reappears)
I told you to get out!
I simply can't go on
my nerves are fraying...
what was I saying?
Oh,mostly I desire
a quiet atmosphere
as silent as a sepulchre
no utterance above a purr
just nod your head
if you concur
I trust you'll like it here.