As Good As It Gets

Wake up
Go through the motions
Feels like
All of my limbs are frozen
But don't show
Anyone how hard it's really been

One foot
In front of the other
Deep breath
Then make myself take another
How close can I get to the edge
Without falling in?

Knocked down before I even begin

What if this is as good as it gets?
What if I'll always have this big hole
In the shape of you inside my chest?
But what if the less it hurts
The more I forget?
And what if I'm not ready for that yet?

Braced my
Heart for the impact
Thought I
Could weather the storm till it passed
How come
It's still pouring down with no end in sight

Maybe
It's stubborn and foolish
But I can't
Stop clinging to this delusion
That I'll be
Back to my old self with a little time

And live instead of only get by

What if this is as good as it gets?
What if I'll always have this big hole
In the shape of you inside my chest?
But what if the less it hurts
The more I forget?
And what if I'm not ready for that yet?

People keep asking
Questions
With answers, they already know
And I lie
To not make them uncomfortable
Or worse yet
Make some little off-color joke
I'm sorry if that was rude
I swear that I was only trying
To lighten the mood 'cause

I've learned
When it really comes down to it
That no one
Wants to face they're impermanent
So I'll just
Keep everything light and pretend
I'm not stuck in this hell
A vicious cycle where I'm always asking myself

What if this is as good as it gets?
What if I'll always have this big hole
In the shape of you inside my chest?
But what if the less it hurts
The more I forget?
And what if I'm not ready for that yet?
What if I'm not ready for that yet?