UNDERTOW

I counted your breaths before I counted mine
(Oh)

She went under with her eyes still open
(Uh)
Like she chose the water over me
I stood there naming all the ways to save her
While she smiled like drowning set her free
The dark was patient, the dark was polite
(Oh)
It never once raised its voice at all
It just kept calling, soft as an invitation
And she leaned in closer every time it called

I reached, and reaching was its own kind of drowning
I screamed, and screaming never learned to swim
I learned that watching is a verb with teeth in it
(Oh)
And helpless is a shape I keep folding myself in

Oh, sor undren-zah, av hir norél-an (oh)
Eid-en, und na-vëlar sor av-ir
Uh, av eidran-zah, na rethar-om (uh)
Av ka-rethar-an, tal na-ra dul
Undra, av yelór av tal-r en (oh)
Undra, av undren-zah hir dol-t
Vel na zhar-om, vel undrel-ek (uh)
Av na vëlan-dul vel norack-ek

They say drowning is quiet, not like the films
(Oh)
No thrashing, no scream loud enough to carry
Just a needle, a bottle, a door locked from inside
Just a hand going under a little more each time
She wasn't cruel and she wasn't a child
She just found a numbness that loved her back
I used to think love came with stronger arms
I stood dry while she turned to weather
(Uh)
And called it grief once it was already done

Somewhere there's a version where I moved faster
(Oh)
Somewhere there's a version where she swam back
But I only live in this one, on the shoreline
Watching my reflection wear her name like a crack
Strained, higher, more grit, deep male voice

Oh, sor undren-zah, av hir norél-an (oh)
Eid-en, und na-vëlar sor av-ir
Uh, av eidran-zah, na rethar-om (uh)
Av ka-rethar-an, tal na-ra dul
Undra, av yelór av tal-r en (oh)
Undra, av undren-zah hir dol-t
Vel na zhar-om, vel undrel-ek (uh)
Av na vëlan-dul vel norack-ek

I threw you the rope, I threw it again and again
(Oh)
And you only held the dark a little tighter
Not because you hated me
Not because you wanted to leave me standing here
You just loved the undertow more than the shore
(Uh)
And I keep loving you anyway, misunderstood and un ashamed

Oh, sor undren-zah, av hir norél-an (oh)
Eid-en, und na-vëlar sor av-ir
Uh, av eidran-zah, na rethar-om (uh)
Av ka-rethar-an, tal, tal, na-ra dul
Undra, av shylenór av tal-r en (oh)
Undra, av undren-zah hir dol-t, qal-an
Vel na zhar-om dul, und eshkir-ek (uh)
Av na vëlan-dul vel norack-ek
Norack-ek
(Oh)
Norack-ek

I never learned to swim
I only learned to watch you choose it
(Oh)