Small Fish

Sometime, sadness feels like fate
I just can't appreciate when things are going great
Until after the fact
When the present is a stress
Untangling all this in my head
I can find solutions just to find it hard again
Sometimes it's not the circumstance
I think it's just the way I think
Imposter syndrome for the misery
It's like I've chosen it
When I know I should feel joy
And I should show some gratitude
I feel a thought blockade
And I feel I can't improve

Many years like this now
When I thought that it would change
But my brain did not stop taunting me
Some things just stay the same
And I feel guilt when I express it
So I just won't let it out
There are bigger fish to fry
Than reoccurring self-doubt
So I guess this is the Crux
Of why I cringe at myself
When there seems to be no trigger
For my poor mental health

So if I try to write sad songs
Then I have to write disclaimers
When I'm not sure if I'm sad
Or if I'm just a complainer