Crying is Private

And then, in the midst of all this
We pretend to get used to it
The backstabbing
Fake smiles and hypocritical hugs

We get used to the indifferent stares
To everything we consider rotten
We keep searching for ways out of recurring mistakes
We keep trying to escape, so as not to become like them

I could have kept what I knew to myself
But whoever hides from evil
Is doing worse
That's how I think

This might help
It might lead to nothing
But what matters in this life
Is having peace and a clear conscience

And smile, smile
In the midst of all this, smile
Yes, knowing how to feel

I don't know how long this will last
Will my calmness be normal?
Feeling pain without screaming
Disappointment without tears

I don't know how long this will last
Will my calmness be normal?
This pain that screams nothing
Feeling like a weirdo!

I don't know, I wanted a hug
But I didn't want one either
I wanted to let out my tears
But I didn't want one either

To tell the truth
Even I'm tired of caring
Of wanting and 'unwanting'
So many things in this life!
To appear balanced, I'm in therapy

Maybe they'll have to put me in a mental hospital
But who cares?
Maybe I'll start having laughing fits
But who cares?
Maybe I'll jump off a cliff
But who cares? Who cares?

I'll laugh at the despair
So I don't cry like a child
And then, I'll see what happens
But relax, just relax now
Because

I don't know how long this will last
Is my calmness normal?
Feeling pain without screaming
Disappointment without tears

I don't know how long this will last
Is my calmness normal?
This pain that screams nothing
I've been feeling strange!

But when I have my crying fit
I won't scream, no one will hear
It will be between me and God
Crying is private!