The Drugs Never Loved You

Do you ever think about me
In the middle of an ordinary day?
Does the memory of a four-month-old baby
Ever cross your mind and stay?

I don't remember your face
I don't remember your hands
But somehow I've spent my whole life
Missing someone I never had

I grew up with a hole inside me
A space shaped just like you
And all these years I've been wondering
If you ever missed me too

The drugs never loved you
The bottle never stayed
It only took and took from you
Until there was nothing left to save

The drugs never loved you
But I did
Before I knew your voice
Before I knew what loss was

And if I can love you
Without a single memory
Imagine how much I would've loved you
If you'd stayed with me

You became a stranger
Who gave me her eyes and blood
A story I was born from
A wound covered up with love

People say time heals everything
But some things never leave
How do you stop missing a mother
You never got to keep?

I tried to hate you
God knows I tried
But every piece of anger
Had heartbreak hiding inside

The drugs never loved you
But I still do
Even after all the nights
I cried because of you

You thought they understood you
You thought they'd ease the pain
But they were never waiting for you
The way I would've been

You were offered chances
You tried and then let go
And part of me still wonders why
You didn't fight for us both

Maybe you were broken
Maybe you were scared
Maybe nobody ever taught you
How to believe someone cared

I forgive you
A thousand times, I do
But forgiveness doesn't erase
What abandonment can do

The drugs never loved you
Not the way I did

Because even now
After all these years
After all this hurt

I still hope you're okay

I still hope you're alive

And if you ever think of me

I hope you know

You were loved

You were loved by the daughter
You left behind

You may never know that I loved you my whole life
You may never know that I loved you my whole life