You Can't Do Me

You can't do me, you can't do me, you can't do me the way you did before −
You can't do me, you can't do me, you can't do me the way you did before −
'Cause when you do, and when you do, 'cause when you do, you know I get so blue!
When you do, and when you do, 'cause when you do, you know I get so blue and I go
Down like a deep sea diver, out like a Coltrane tenor-man,
Lost like a Chinese war baby − gone, gone, gone!
Blewed like a Mississippi sharecropper, screwed like a high-school cheerleader,
Tattooed like a popeyed sailorman − gone, gone, gone!

I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
And for a while, for just a while, for a good long while you'd see me smile, smile, smile
I'd crawl the seas on my bony knees, no apologies for my brave new style. I wouldn't go
Bust like an internet millionaire, boom like a Lebanese belly-dancer,
Bang like a new year's firecracker − gone, gone, gone! I wouldn't get
Bent like a rattan rockin' chair, blanked like a last place also ran,
Burned like an Arkansas griddlecake − gone, gone, gone!

I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
And if I was, if I was, if I was then I'd complain no more.
And for a while, for just a while, for a good long while you'd see me smile, smile, smile.
I'd crawl the seas, on my bony knees, no apologies for my brave new style.
I wouldn't get −

Wrecked like a rebel on a racetrack, jacked like a '51 Cadillac,
Macked like a bunny in a mansion − gone, gone, gone!
Spitooned like an Alabama 'backy wad, harpooned in a Melville sailor yard,
Cartooned like a Charlie Brown Christmas card − gone, gone, gone!

Schooled like a milk money bully whip, sued like a teenage downloader,
Unglued like a bull in a china shop − gone, gone, gone!
Cranked like a speed freak high-roller, yanked like a little league ball swatter,
Spanked like a fly on a bar counter − gone, gone, gone!

Duked like a pistol whipped card swapper, rebuked like a Bible Belt border crosser
Juked like a payola chart topper − gone, gone, gone!