Social Media: The Unverified Rusical

Ladies and gentlemen, trollers and scrollers
Tonight is all about you and the living hell you've created!
I know what you're thinking
Has she always been this bitter?
Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?
Oops, I just got canceled!

Log in, sign on with your e-mail
Log in, sign on, you'll feel swell
In this new day, more world decay
Is just one-a click away

Our cautionary tale begins innocently enough at Tuckahoe University
As computer genius Markie Tuckenberg works late into the night

Foxy, I did it!
I invented a new social network
And I'm calling it
Fistbook!
Fistbook? Markie, do you еven know what that means?
Ew! Nevеrmind
Hold up!

What if we used this social network
To connect people around the world?
I guess I could collect all their personal data
We'll call it Face, Face, Facelook!
You know, that might just work!

Ice Bucket Challenges, posts of me planking
Sending a cat meme to get the world laughing
Avocados looking fancy on toast
Everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post!
(Oh ho ho ho!)

Gold or blue, what color's that dress?
YOLO, who cares when your hashtag is blessed?
Rickrolling, twerking, I'm not one to boast
But everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post!
And now I'm rolling in dough
In dough!

I own one hundred percent of this social platform!
Oh my God, I'm a freakin' tech genius!
Foxy, cover up!

But one platform wasn't enough for you hungry little hippos
Was it?

Heart!
Livestream!
Tweet!
Resume cha-cha-cha)
Heart!
Livestream!
Tweet!
Resume (cha-cha-cha)

(Heart! Livestream! Tweet! Resume, cha-cha-cha)
She uses her vanity to take away your sanity
(Heart! Livestream! Tweet!)
May I present
Miss InstaGlam!

(I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life)
I'm your favorite app 'cause I make you look good
Double-tappin' my thirst traps like I knew you would
In my Stories, on my grid, you can ogle all day
Makin' you an Insta-star, get rich the Insta-way!
Do it for the glam, post to your feed
Do it for the glam, post to your Stories
Glam it! (Glam it)
Glam it! (Glam it)
I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life
Do it for the glam

Okay, Lady Tweets, you're next!
Keep it brief

I am the perfect medium for modern intellectuals
Comedians, celebrities, and the political
Even 45, the orange one, used me
To post posts most diabolical
Is that all you've got to say?

Whatever's trending on me is not merely allegorical
But algorithms programmed through means mathematical
Hashtags and the at-symbol make this world more radical
You can go to bed happy and then wake up and you're canc-icaled
(One more time!)
Faster!

I swear to God, if you make me sing another syllable
I'll gladly come down there and I will punch you in the clavicle
I said my piece already, and frankly, I was exceptional!
Now mind your own damn business, you bossy homosexual
(Oh! Oh my God! Oh, girl)

And now, the boss bitch herself!
The Reverend Dr. Mrs. Linked-All-The-Way-In
You go, girl!

(Watch me work, work, baby!)
You want a side hustle? (Go!)
Flex your work muscle (huh!)
You wanna get hired, wanna be desired?
Upload your res, sis (Hey!)
Tell 'em your skills, sis (huh!)
Just come to me, sis
I'm a profesh, sis!
Show 'em you're the boss
For a manager at Ross
They wanna interview ya
Make 'em all pursue ya
Keep on gettin' hired
And hired and hired and hired and hired! (Ooh!)
I'm a profesh, sis!

Time to get disruptive with Miss TokTik

(Just 15 seconds to save the Earth)
Tok-tik, tok-tik, tok-tik
(Just 15 seconds to save the Earth)
Boomers, OK, this ain't for y'all
Millennials, your reign's about to fall
Gen Z is ready to play ball
We're taking over
(We're the lone stars)
Just let us be us
(This new world of sounds)
Dancing for social justice
We're the full Gen
(15 seconds to save the Earth)
Don't-play-by-the-rules Gen
(15 seconds to save the Earth)
Resetting-your-clock Gen
(15 seconds to save the Earth)
We're the Z Gen
What are you kids doing in there?
Ugh, Mom, leave us alone!

Ladies, excuse me!
I've got a bone to pick with you
And it's a big bone!
I've had my account suspended by every one of you
Why?
(Um, you show too much skin!)

What ever happened to sex positivity?
Free the nipple!
Don't say what I can post, you know I'm stunning!
All people want sex, not body shunning!
So just cancel your plans to troll on my crusade!
I gotta post pics, gotta flaunt my tits
Watch me do the splits, like, sis!

Hey, life's online and I'm lookin' fly
And I've gotta get those likes, sis
I'm free to post and be me!
Get laid, blow shade, and spill tea
My assets make you go: Wow
Boys see my thot shots
And pow! (And pow!)
Yo, Mrs. Tuckenberg, what do you think of me now?
Sorry, Foxy, but you're banned forever!
(Ooh! Bye-bye!)

Hello, darlings, I'm Natasha, this is Nikita
But you can call us Click and Bait
Mother Russia, my cold heart is true
We'll make you so proud
Putin' a fix on the red, white, and blue
We want to ruin USA
It's easy to do in USA
Oh, so naïve in USA
This will be Putin's USA!
Information laundering's fun
Photoshop pics to fool everyone
Spreading conspiracies daily
Like Democrats hate Israelis!
I got a cute name, it's QAnon!
These gullible tyrants will be our pawns
Pizzagate has gone viral
Now we sit back and watch it spiral!
(Oo-woo-oo-ooh!)
We want to ruin USA
Divide and destroy USA
We're talking clicks in USA
All fools get tricked in USA!

Suddenly, the whole world is totally divided!
You're not woke!
Healthcare's a joke!
5G's a conspiracy!
Voting leads to tyranny!
Holy crap! My grandma's a racist?
(Ooh girl! No ma'am! Uh-huh)
Stop! You fools!
It wasn't always like this
Back in my day
Back in your day?
Didn't you know?
She used to be Friendster
Google it
I just can't face it!
What is it you can't face?

Let us all be Friendster
We can make it trend
Hand in hand together
Before I reach my end!

Oh, she's like, dead
It's 2006 all over again
The Internet was supposed to be a modern miracle
But look at us now!
Markie, do you remember why you started Face
Face, Facelook in the first place?
To collect everybody's personal data!
No, so the world could come together
Oh, right!
That'll never happen
Call me an old-fashioned, thick and juicy, sex-positive dreamer
But I know we can do better!

Do you see the people's posts?
Posting accurate things once again
These are the postings of a people who
Won't be duped again!
It's your responsibility
To weed (yeah)
Out (weed out)
The lies! (Weed out the lies)
Lies! Liza Minnelli lies!