[Waiter 2]
I am so sorry, Madam
We have no decaf latte mocaniños with soy milk, today

[Claudia]
Fine, skip the soy

[Waiter 2]
What can I say?

[Claudia]
I said fine, regular is

[Waiter 2]
That's not the problem, Madam
The problem isn't just the soy, you see
It's more than just the soy

[Claudia]
Yeah, so?

[Waiter 2]
I couldn't be more sorry, Madam
But sad to say the fact is that not only do we have no soy

[Paul]
Oh boy

[Claudia]
Don't tell me that you have no mocha?
[Waiter 2]
We have no mocha!

[Claudia]
Then just a decaf latte, I don't

[Waiter 2]
We're also out of latte!

[Claudia]
What?

[Waiter 2]
We do expect a little latte later, but we haven't gotta lotta latte now!

[Raffael]
You can't be out of latte, that would mean you're out of milk!

[Waiter 2]
Sir, not only are we out of milk
We're out of cream, we're out of half and half

[Claudia]
The cafe latte without the Lat—!

[Waiter 2]
We're also out of caff

[Claudia]
Not even de—?

[Waiter 2]
Is that a laugh?

[Claudia]
Alright, then tea
Twinings Early Grey, bag on the side

[Waiter 2]
Ah, yes, well

[Claudia]
Don't tell me!

[Waiter 2]
I am so sorry, Madam
I do apologize, it's unforgivable, I'm so embarassed!
But not only are we out of Earl Grey, we're out of Earl Green!
We're out of Earl Red and blue and everything in between!

[Claudia]
Okay then, Lipton's, I don't care, whatever!

[Waiter 2]
I apologize profusely, Madam
But we're shit out of tea today

[Claudia]
You've got to be kidding!

[Waiter 2]
Je suis désolé

[Claudia]
Fine, Diet Coke with lem-

[Waiter 2]
Madam, if I may, I forgot to say, by the way
We have no Coke, we have no Sprite
We have no Mountain Dew, no Fresca Lite
And I should add, although I do regret it
If you're thinking beer or wine, forget it

[Leo]
Yeah, let's just order! Give me the abalone omelette, runny, extra saffron

[Waiter 2]
Excellent choice!

[Marianne]
I've changed my mind about manna, I crave Huevos Rancheros

[Waiter 2]
A thuperb-thelection

[Claudia]
I'll do the blood pudding, make it vampiric!

[Waiter 2]
Nice!

[Raffael]
I will have the curried goat hash

[Waiter 2]
Man! Splendid!

[Paul]
Do I want the malay duck?

[Waiter 2]
It is an unparalleled experience

[Paul]
Done

[Fritz]
I'm gonna go basic, a cheeseburger, medium
That's California-Medium, only pink around the edges

[Leo]
Just bring the shit, will you? We're starving

[Waiter 2]
Ah, yes, well, perhaps I should've mentioned

[Leo]
What?

[Waiter 2]
I am so sorry, sir, but we're out of abalone omelettes
Although I have to say they are delicious, and I'm sure you'd like them if we had them
But we don't

[Leo]
Ah, for Christ's sake, then make it two hashes! Only make my goat medium

[Waiter 2]
Nor we have no hash, nevermind the curried goat
And wait, I made a note
Oh, yes, the huevos
Nada, sorry
Right, who had the duck?
You're out of luck!

[Paul]
Fuck!

[Waiter 2]
As for the, blegh! Blood pudding!
Well, I wouldn't recommend it anyway

[Waiter 2]
Ah!
On behalf of the entire management and staff and international consorsium that owns and operates Café Everything
I can't apologize enough!
I just may go and kill myself! That's what I'll do, I'll kill myslef!
I'd rather kill myself than have to tell you we're completely out of food!

[Claudia]
How rude!

[Waiter 2]
Of any kind!

[Marianne]
Well, nevermind!

[Waiter 2]
I should've given you some warning, but it's been a very busy morning

[Claudia]
Then why the hell did you take our orders?

[Waiter 2]
Madam, that's my job
I'll go check on that water

[Paul]
I thought he wanted to kill himself

[Leo]
Café Nada, they oughta call it

[Claudia]
Hey! Could you make that sparkling?

[Marianne]
What in the world was that?

[Fritz]
That was a gunshot

[Claudia]
Because I asked for sparkling?
Why don't we go to Bistro à la mode? It's French deconstructuvist cousine

[Leo]
Alright, back to square one, everybody into the car!