Christmas

I drank myself stupid and ate far too much
Had sex with the wrong girl
Missed out on the conga line
But i threw up whilst doing the moonwalk to mistletoe and wine
And i realised it was time to go when i said to my boss - "a penis you are"
And so i drove home on the ice
Meandering along the busy roads thinking of christ

And then lo through my windscreen came a sleigh oh so bright
Came a snowman so decorative but it was to the brick wall that i said goodnight
How, how had it come to this, i had always been a careful soul
Ho hum this is christmas, a carefree time christmas
This christmas time cares for us all

When i next awoke it was christmas day morning, my mother sat next to me
She said, "son, this is some gift."
As i lay wrapped in plaster, thinking of festivities i'd miss
Like only fools and horses, the queen's speech at three
And an eastender's wedding and nuts
Brazil nuts and walnuts and wine
And more wine and pudding and turkey
Give me turkey, i want turkey, more turkey please, turkey, more

Oh jesus christ, i am so lucky
Jesus christ, did i deserve this?
Jesus christ, who is my saviour?
Is it you jesus i can't dismiss?

How, how had it come to this, i had always been a careful soul
Ho hum this is christmas, a carefree time christmas
This chrismas time cares for us all

And i won't get depressed in january
And i won't worry about what to buy
And i won't feel that i need to smile
And i won't think of santa again or at least for a while...