The Sense of no Being

I have the certainty of having concentred
All the suffering of the world in me
I can't understand the reason for it.
Just as existance in general
Why can't i admit that existance leads to nothing?
And the being to the no being...
I have the monopoly of the knowledge of suffering,
And this is equal to live hanging from a precipice,
Since all suffering is an abyss,
I feel in me a pathological predisposition towards death,
My life is a sinister agitation, a vertigo, a dramatic whirlwind
Why don't i leave this world?
Why death repulses me as much as life?
I haven't the minimum idea of why i am in this world.
I feel as a terrible being full of darkness
A beast with a grotesque grin
Exaltated before the hope of nothing & the desperation of all
Burned by pain & hate
Anihilated by light & shadow
My symbol is death of light & the flame of negligence
All light fades in me...