Misery

I dropped
I devoted myself, blindly, for one's life
A well-aware choice, knowing this free fall was right

I droppedI sacrificed everything at stake, my own wellness
I fell apart
Broken and weak
I held, and stood still, ripping through my fragile ground

And I held, knowing I was losing the most of me
When everything is gray and your guts scream misery
When you can't handle looking at others
You can't deal with their happiness

It's so dark here
I barely recognize my own substance
These blood-red eyes, this grim expression that can't be my own
I lost track
Time is holding me in this confused state, playing a silly game

Has it been weeks?
The clock, has been stopping its course between minutes
Stretching every moment to make it last, to make it hurt
I devoted myself, blindly, for one's life
I lay down waiting for my body to lose consciousness

These endless days, these permanent nights steal all my heart, steal all my soul
I'm burning within
I haven't seen the sun in days
I crawl around this odd place that has no silence, that never sleeps
In this place that never leaves your mind at peace

The fragility, my existence
Trusting my own lies; believing it will all be fine
It's so dark in here
I haven't left my bed in days
Curled up, cold, in a shut in
I entered a slumber, a deep sleep
Can I hang in until tomorrow ?