The Great Willamette Valley Scapegoat

all i want's an escape route
all i need's a way out
a dead-end town, my deadened ambition
the secret sound of the dreaded admission:
"i'll never get out alive."
and how could i survive?
on what could i thrive?
like this since i was 5,
when i realized how much i hadn't seen.
those risks i avoid haunt me in my dreams.
i'm always a talker, and never the actor
my fear of failure, the one biggest factor
it's my biggest detractor.
nightmares of what might've been
if only i'd asked her...

nightmares whenever i sleep
of the heart you stole, the words i keep
and insert with cowardice into the song;
at this pace, it can't be too long
before i drown in one of these cold sweats.
i hide behind my lyrics and hedged bets.
i'm trying hard to get away from this place
but you're an anchor weighing me down at the waist.

all i want's to fix this weak will
all i need's to rewrite this prequel
and change my character's flaws;
make me more than mere monologues.
"i'll never get a spine."
i'm afflicted by the sunshine
cuz you're keeping me up night-time.
i'll try to reach you with a weak rhyme.
then i realized how much i've never said,
dialogues constructed in my head.
i'm always a thinker, but never the doer.
wouldn't let myself have her so i'd never lose her.
nightmares full of conversations
now, if i'd only had them...

i'll never know what you might have said
left to think, left for dead
all these scripted lines in pencil lead
mistakes in margins marked in red
all the errors and the failures
all the left-outs and the spare words
everything left in the air for
you to catch and interpret yourself.
you know, i would've said something if i thought you'd've listened
but now i blame the town for my lack of conviction.
the city's not the problem, and it pains me to say so.
and you're not the problem, but you're the perfect scapegoat.
i'm too fucked up to fix.