I've Been Seeing Someone Else

DWIGHT:
I've been seeing someone else! I've been seeing someone else!
I've been seeing, seeing someone! Someone, seeing someone else!

PEACHES:
What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fucking fucking fuck?

JERRY (spoken):
Peaches, you seem surprised. What is it you'd like to say to Dwight?

PEACHES:
Who who?

DWIGHT:
Calm down, baby!

PEACHES:
Who who?

DWIGHT:
Take it easy, try to chill!

PEACHES:
Who who?

DWIGHT:
She dont mean a thing to me!

PEACHES:
Who who?

DWIGHT:
She's just a tramp, just a whore!

PEACHES and AUDIENCE:
Who who?

DWIGHT:
It aint easy for me, baby!

PEACHES and AUDIENCE:
Who who? Who who?

DWIGHT:
I been seeing your best friend! I been seeing your best friend!
Your best friend! Your best friend! But baby, I love you!

PEACHES: (at same time)
If that's true, then fuck you!

JERRY (spoken):
Alright, lets bring out Peaches' best friend, lets welcome Zandra.

AUDIENCE:
Dirty whore! Dirty whore! Filthy, dirty, manky, skanky slut whore!
Manky skanky slut whore!

ZANDRA:
I remember when we was young, we had some laughs, we had some fun,
we lived on dreams, we was full of hope, until I got
addicted to crack and dope! Crack and dope!

PEACHES:
Bi--tch! Bi--tch! Bitch bitch bitch bitch!
Bi--tch!
Bi--tch!
Bi----tch!
Bi--tch!

AUDIENCE: (at same time)
Ste--eve! Ste--eve! Steve Steve Steve Steve!
Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve Steve!

PEACHES:
Bi--tch!

AUDIENCE: (at same time)
Ste--eve!

STEVE (spoken):
Hi. I'm Steve Wilcose, I'm head of security here at The Jerry Springer Show.
You know a lot of people always ask me which fights are hardest to break up,
I gotta tell you, its always the women!

PEACHES:
Bi--tch!

AUDIENCE: (at same time)
Ste--eve!

ZANDRA:
Why'd you tell her, asshole?

DWIGHT:
Gotta fess up, gotta fess up!

ZANDRA:
Peaches it werent me, it was the blow!

PEACHES:
Shut it, bitch!

ZANDRA:
Peaches!

PEACHES:
Crack head!

AUDIENCE:
Slut junkie!

JERRY (spoken):
Zandra, Peaches has been your best friend since childhood,
why would you cheat on your best friend?

ZANDRA:
He'd come round, know what I'm sayin, know what I'm sayin.
When he was stressed, know what Im sayin, know what Im sayin.
I would sympathise. Sympathise. Know what Im sayin, know what Im sayin?

AUDIENCE:
Crack whore!

JERRY (spoken):
Peaches, your partner has cheated on you,
your best friend has betrayed you,
you don't have to put up with this, you're the innocent one here!

PEACHES:
A weird thing happened last night when I went to take a leak.
I ended up pissing on a man with a glorious physique.
I said, what on Earth are you doing on the restroom floor?
He said, dont ask stupid questions,
just piss on me some more, piss on me you whore.
I pissed, some more.

I guess we all got our flaws, Jerry.

JERRY (spoken):
I'm confused here, so are you gonna take him back?

PEACHES:
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh!

DWIGHT:
Baby, I love you!

JERRY (spoken):
Well I guess you got away with it this time, Dwight!

VALKYRIE:
Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY (spoken):
It's okay, my inner-Valkyrie. What can I do for you today?

VALKYRIE:
Jerry lets the morons fight, but how does Jerry sleep at night?

JERRY (spoken):
How do I sleep? I sleep on my back, thank you.
You know it's easy to occupy the moral high ground, what's more difficult is
to confidently occupy the moral low ground! Go away!

Now Dwight, you told producers before the show that you have another secret?

DWIGHT:
Baby, there's one more thing.

PEACHES:
Uh huh?

DWIGHT:
One more, baby there's on more baby there's...
I've been seeing someone else!

PEACHES and ZANDRA:
What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fucking fucking fuck?

JERRY (spoken):
Bring 'em on!

AUDIENCE:
Jerry Jerry!
Go Jerry Go!
Jerry Jerry!
Aaaah!