Ozzie Girl

So um, actually
I was in love with this fella’s best friend
He was way more good looking, and um
Anyway, he fancied my best friend
So that kinda screwed things up for me

But I thought, you know
If I get together with the best mate
I get to hang out with the guy I really like
So I did, you know?

Um, but I was a virgin
And he was not
That’s true
He was also, I think, a drug addict already
But um, anyway

So we hung out as a foursome a lot
He was a terrible kisser
And the other guy looked like a really good kisser
I used to watch the others kissing
And it was like, hot, really hot

Anyway, finally, we go to this party
And my sister is dating this-guy-I'm-seeing’s brother, right?
So they go off for a wander in a field
And I know what they’re going to do
And then the guy I'm seeing says
Do you want to go for a walk?

And I'm like: Oh, shit
But I went: OK, sure
And he was leaving that night to go to the airport
So I thought, you know, what can go wrong?

If it does go wrong, he’s leaving, so
You know, if he abducts me
He can only abduct me for, like, an hour

So then we go for a walk
And uh, we lie down in this field
And there’s a full Moon, and it’s so romantic
Except, it’s not romantic
Because there’re fucking prickles all over my ass

And like, in my head and my neck
And he’s like dry-humping me
But I just go with it, you know
And then he’s like getting his donger out
And putting on a you-know-what

And then he goes: Guide me
And I'm like: No