Sad Cat Lady

Mrs. Mary Winston Jones could not have any children
When her hubby's seed swam in, the Lord above just killed 'em (awww!)

Sad though it was, there's a silver lining
They bought two little kitties at the pound
The tabbies started humpin' and it led to quite a somethin'
Now a blissful family unit is found there

The house is all a-bustle with feline fur and muscle
And the Jones's hearts have truly learned to sing
The only problem now is their just not knowing how
To keep those kitty titties in a sling

Slipping on some poop in the bathroom hallway
Limited to sleeping on the porch (get out!)

Neighbors throwing bottles at their heads on Fridays
Maybe they should kill 'em (yeah!)

They shoulda had some children
Try some IVF or vitamins
Or yoga or a colon cleanse (what?)

The Jones's just aren't making friends
Those kitties are the bloody end
If they hadn't named 'em, it'd be swell
To flush 'em down the drinking well
Their life's become a living hell

But they're so cute, all of 'em
Abner, Ajax, Alfie, Alan, Alvin, Andy, Angus
Anton, Archie, Arlo, Arnie, Artie, Aspen, Atlas
Banjo, Banshee, Barney, Bartok, Batman, Beaver, Benji
Benson, Bernie, Bilbo, Bogart, Bongo, Boofy, Boombox, Bowtie, Braveheart
Bronson, Brubeck, Bumhead, Butler, Cabbage, Carlos, Casper, Cado, Chadwick
Chandler, Chauncey, Chester, Chicken, Comet, Cooper, Cornbread, Cricket, Crunchy, Curly, Curtis
Dallas, Derby, Dasher, Dereck, Dewey, Disco, Dogboy, Dozer, Dreckley
Elwood, Fatty, Fearless, Fergus, Finley, Flapjack, Fonzi, Francis, Fresco, Frostbite, Fuskis
Gary, Gavin, Geezer, Gipper, Gizmo, Gobble, Grimble
Guido, Gumby, Gustav, Haddock, Harold, Harvey, Hedwig, Herby
Hobbes and Hopscotch, Ian, Igor, Ivan, Jasper, Jelly, Jesus!
Jimbo, Jojo, Jordatch, Jumpy, Kirby, Larry, Lennox, Lewis, Liam, Linus, Magnus
Mandrake, Marvin, Maynard, Mickey, Monkey, Moses, Mustache, Nobby, Nomad
Norman, Novak, Nugget, Outlaw, Pablo, Papa, Pedro, Peppers, Pippin, Playboy, Quimby
Raffles, Rampage, Reggie, Ringo, Rolex, Sanchez, Sandstorm, Scooby, Skillet, Slapshot
Socko, Sooty, Sultan, Swayze, Taboo, Tarzan, Tio, Toaster, Tofu, Toothless, Vespa
Victor, Webster, Whamo, Woody, Wrangler, Yoda
Ziggy!

Mrs. Mary Winston Jones could not have any children
When her hubby's seed swam in, the Lord above just killed 'em