The Ballad Of Stuart The Sail

This is the story of Stuart the sailor
He was a whaler who mastered the seas
Strong and respected, he fought and protected
All the dejected and down on their knees

He was a lover unlike any other
Daughters and mothers would faint when he smiled
But it was false interest, the sea was his mistress
He stuck to his business on the ocean wild

Oh Sailor Stu!
What a man was he
Strong and true
Standing up for you and for me
Although truth be told
He was just a bit insane
But strong and bold
And we shall honour his name

I still remember one icy December
A lad was dismembered from fightin' a squid
Stuart made arms from an old rusty steel drum
And he attached them to that limbless kid

Once we were viewin' a storm that was brewin'
We were pursuin' a deadly typhoon
Stuart just laughed as the men headed aft
Screaming 'this man is daft, sending us to our doom'

Oh Sailor Stu!
What a man was he
Some loose screws
But standing up for you and for me
Although truth be told
He was just a bit insane
But strong and bold
And we shall honour his name

Several years later, he sailed to Decater
Ordered potaters and bolts for a snack
He called himself Shirley and drew on his belly
By then we could tell he had finally cracked

Now he resides in a mental asylum
He's been there a while but he's doing okay
The ship ain't the same since old Stu went insane
But it's now far more tame and we like it that way

Oh Sailor Stu!
What a man was he
He went cuckoo
Standing up for you and for me
He was strong and bold
But totally insane
But those years were gold
And never lame