Dreadful Domesticity

No sooner were they bound in marriage
When they realized their mistake
And as they got into the carriage
Each pondered what steps to take.
The honeymoon was merely dreary
And by the time that it was through
Their brains were overwrought and weary,
Contemplating what to do.
They reached their villa numb with loathing
As it was fading into night,
They cast aside their outer clothing,
And parted mutely for the night.
At dawn with scissors she came creeping
Into his room and deftly sheared,
While he lay strenuously sleeping,
Uneven notches in his beard.
Then after they had been wedded
A dozen years they paused aghast,
The possibility they had dreaded
Had occurred, occurred at last
They had exhausted all the other
Revenges for existing wrongs,
So they fell on one another,
Him with hammers, her with tongs.
A week went by, a tradesman calling
Peered in and gave a sickened gulp,
For on the carpet they were sprawling,
A single horrid heap of pulp.