Porcelain

Knowing if I could give you the sky and also the sea
But I don't think there's one thing in this world that'll make you notice me
Cause you can wield that sword in any direction, you damn well please
But you don't understand, that my heart is in your hands
And I'm beggin you not to squeeze

I was ruined in the 7th grade, the pain never changed or went away
The memory's ingrained like it was yesterday
They're telling me I'm crazed, because I've blessed her name
A steady gaze to sweat her frame, If life is just a play, then she was center stage
I sent her letter pages on a daily basis
That her friend's trashed in waste bins
So, if she asks there's just no way to trace this
She was reigning queen of junior high and I was faceless
Painted bangs and bracelets, and even looked graceful in plated braces
I hate to say this but my aim was wasted
So, I trained my heart for 7 years while she remained in basics
Leading the same parade of babes to places
Swearing I held a space in her heart, yet every semester she'd vainly replace it
Yet, I waited and displayed my patience
Even offered statements of positive advice in her cases of shakey situations
But she never associated me with hip relations
With bated breath, I just withstood the breakage
Like porcelain

With my hormones racing, praying a for a date on summer vacation
Around the time when your body is under renovation
You know when nothing really fits?
And the girls get bolder, and start looking for older affiliates
I hold a silly wish in my mind that she'd willingly kiss these
Lips, but I won't get Frisky, I get the feeling she'd diss me
I'm stil in a risky position - itching to hit a decision
To muster up the ambition to make the proposition
Desperation became my religion
The same way you envision cynics finding Jesus caged in a prison
Visiting hours consisted of English Lit & Diction
History quizzes on Christians to Mr. Richard Nixon
Transfixed in her smile like the other fifty guys
She hypnotized, Guess I'm another stickler for pretty eyes
I minimized my obsession, never made the confession
Even evaded her presence at our graduation procession
It was a decision I later regretted
Wondering what I could have said and would it have swept her away if I said it
Step and Repeat and edit - my thoughts clashed
But I regained my lost chance the very day that we crossed paths again
I revelled in the opportunity, asked her to go dancing
Basking in this confidence that was new to me
It worked beautifully! A wild night became a quiet ride home
As I broke the silence her eyes roamed
7 Years of frustration then hit her ears with abrasion
As I laced her with my tale of lust, tears and anticipation
Her reaction was a face of fakeness
Told me she was flattered, but within a tone lacking any amazement
It seemed she'd heard it all before
I realized then, her popularity is what I wanted her for
I tried to be strong as she hopped out the door
But even the hardest hearts break when they're dropped to the floor
Like Porcelain

Days pass and time goes on and on
But, you might think my skin was strong enough
But there's something you don't understand
I'm porcelain. I'm porcelain