(he'll Never Be An) 'ol Man River
I saw his body thrashing round.
I saw his heart rate going down.
I saw him in convulsive throes.
I said, "I'll have one of those."
Hillary had Everest in his veins;
Armstrong did moon, was never the same -
Heroes explore to give us hope:
River Phoenix pushed back the envelope.
I drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk;
I injected some of Hendrix's junk;
I booked a seat on Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane;
Mama Cass's sandwich? - I ate the same.
But now I'm bored and there's no stoppin' -
I need another celeb to fill a coffin.
Where will I get my next drug action?
Odds on it will be Michael Jackson.