BEAULTFUL WHEN I BREAK

You always held me closer
When I had nothing left
Funny how you love me most
When I love myself the least

You know the words that made me stay
The little things I couldn't say
You'd hold me through another night
Then disappear when I was fine

I thought your hands were somewhere safe
Somewhere the hurting couldn't reach
But you were always sweetest
When I was too tired to leave

And every time I found my feet
You'd look at me differently
Like healing made me someone
You no longer needed me to be

Maybe you loved the way
I needed you to stay
Maybe I was easier to hold
When I was falling anyway

You only call me beautiful
When I was breaking in your arms
When I was small enough to need you
When I was scared enough to call

You said you loved me as I am
But you loved me most in pain
Maybe you never loved me broken
Maybe you just loved when I would stay

Beautiful when I break
That's how you wanted me
You learned the shape of every scar
Knew exactly where they were

And sometimes being understood
Felt close enough to being loved
You'd tell me no one knew my heart
The way you knew it underneath

I never noticed knowing me
And owning me became the same thing
There were mornings I felt better
And you somehow felt far away

Like every piece I put together
Put another mile between our names
Maybe you love the way
I reached for you afraid

Maybe if I didn't need saving
You wouldn't know your place
You only call me beautiful
When I was breaking in your arms

When I was small enough to need you
When I was scared enough to call
You said you loved me as I am
But you loved me most in pain

Maybe you never loved me broken
Maybe you just loved when I would stay
Beautiful when I break
That's how you wanted me

I don't think you meant to ruin me
I think you needed to be needed
And every time I started healing
You became a little less important

Maybe that's what scared you
Maybe that's what scared me too
Because if I didn't need your hands
What would be left of me and you?

But love shouldn't need a wound
Just to know where it belongs
And I shouldn't have to fall apart
To keep somebody close

So look at me standing now
Without your hands around my waist
I'm not angry that you loved me
I'm just learning what love ain't

And maybe I was beautiful
On every night I came undone
But I was beautiful before you
I'll be beautiful

When you're gone
You used to call me beautiful
When I was breaking in your arms
When I was small enough to need you

When I was scared enough to call
You said you loved me as I am
Now I finally know my name
I don't have to fall to pieces

Just to hear somebody say
I'm beautiful without the pain
I'm beautiful when I change
And if you only loved me broken

Then you never loved all of me anyway